Sunday, October 2, 2011

A First

This is my first blog. Ever.  I feel like it should be big, bold, and exciting.  It should be so fascinating that it makes you, the reader, want more.  But my life, as you will soon read, is not big, bold or exciting.  I am not fascinating.  I am, however, a Jewish mother.  And I’m a homemaker.  And as such, I like to talk and I spend a lot of time at home.  Some have even told me I’m funny.  So I have that going for me too.  While I will not be chronicling adventures in Africa where I single handedly feed all the orphans and end the violence, establishing globally conscious, environmentally friendly governments, I will share with you my life and what I’ve learned to so far.

Are you hooked yet?  Then I’ll keep trying.  I have three beautiful and absolutely maddening children.  My son is 5½.  He is smart, energetic, and creative.  In practical application this becomes, ‘Hey mom, check out what I made! It’s a long plastic pcb pipe with a bullet made of screws sealed together with playdough.  When I blow on the end I can shoot it.  Watch me hit my sister!’ I applaud his design, his enthusiasm, his brilliance.  Then I scream at him to put that thing down before it becomes my Behavior Modification Tool.  This gets him more excited… He loves learning new words.  Did I mention his diagnosis of Oppositional Defiance Disorder?  It’s just a label, and I don’t put too much credence in it.  But I do believe it represents a truth of sorts.

Next is my daughter.  She is 22 months old.  She is oozing with personality.  Seriously.  It pours out of her and onto the carpet. And it’s quite a mess to clean up.  She is funnier than any movie I’ve ever seen and more exhausting than a marathon.  So while she terrorizes the house, she does it with such flare I can’t help but laugh.  Not hehe laugh.  More like laugh so hard I pee a little, laugh.

These two are followed by their twelve-week-old brother.  His name is in Hebrew means ‘G-d’s gift.’ I wanted to name him G-d’s surprise gift, but thought that that may bring up too many uncomfortable questions when he got old enough to ask them.  He’s cute.  I mean what else is there to say about a twelve-week-old?

Other things to note about me: I am often labeled a hippie due to my tendency to cook healthy, organic food, garden, raise chickens in my backyard, and enjoy outdoor activities.  However, the little I understand about this label does not really fit me at all. I don’t believe that ‘all we need is love.’  I happily ate the rooster in my backyard when we realized he wasn’t an egg-laying hen, and I enjoyed him thoroughly.  I believe owning guns is a responsible thing to do.  I am undecided politically.  I believe it is a good thing to be environmentally conscious, but much more important to be people conscious.  I’m sure there is more I could say about myself, but then I would feed into my naturally narcissistic tendencies. 

So here’s the true beginning to my blog.
Last night I was taking a bath with my son.  He was floating in the warm water while I supported his head.  As we were smiling at each other he had a startle reflex.  His arms went flying, his body rigid, and his expression turned to fright.  Every parent is well acquainted with this.  I smiled down at him and said, ‘Don’t worry little one.  I’ve got you.’ And it was at this point that I realized how often my own startle reflex kicks in.  Everytime I go to bed and can’t fall asleep because I am worried about the next day.  Each time I get scared I’m not a good enough mother.  Each time I think I will drown by the overwhelming feeling that I am not in control.  The trick is to remember, in those moments, that it’s true.  I am not in control.  I am floating in water, ready to go under.  But G-d is holding my head, smiling down at me and saying, ‘Don’t worry little one.  I’ve got you.’

For my own benefit I am going to end each blog with a ‘good list.’ It is a list of anything I perceive as good in my life.  What I love about it is how much it reminds of how much I truly have, how incredibly lucky I am.  And what I love even more is when people share their ‘good’ in my list.  So please, add to my list! I want to read about your good too.

1.   My baby just stopped crying as I’m typing this.
2.   I got to where a cozy sweater today.
3.   My older kids are sleeping right now.
4.   I get a chance to do better tomorrow.
5.   I figured out how to start a blog.
Okay, now it's your turn.  Add to my good list with your comments!
Also, coming soon: recipes and tips I have learned that have helped me not go insane as a mother. Stay tuned. 


  1. I cannot tell you how much I enjoyed reading what you just wrote! And how much I needed that!!! As for my good sitting in bed with my laptop and a nice cup of hot tea!!! Thank you! I needed to recognize the goood!!!

  2. thanks for this blog. I have very similar feelings , it seemed like I could write this myself. lets continue to give each other strength!

  3. You're a rock star and very inspiring as always!!! I'm super excited about your blog and can't wait for more!

  4. Beautiful Tova! May we strengthen each other. You made cohesiveness out of seeming chaos...

  5. Hi Guys, trying again. I agree--Tovah is a superstar. Here are some good things:
    I babysat for my grandson today.
    I talked with all my daughters today. And they are the best.
    I slept pretty good last night.
    The ink cartridge I was trying to replace leaked all over but it all cleaned up.
    It's a beautiful night.

  6. Some more good things:

    My grandson giggled for the first time today.
    I don't have to try to think of good things to feel life is good.

    Good night.

  7. 1. We have smart chickies like tovah writing blogs
    2. Rosh hashanah made me happy this year
    3. I had the most honest conversation ever with He Who Must Be Named
    4. Teshuva is mamesh everywhere

  8. This morning my sons bus came on time I took a deep breath and felt soo grateful! Today will be a good day!

  9. That's awesome! And a really good reminder. Today will be a good day!