Well, this won't be the most well written or best spelled blog I've ever written. I'm sitting on the toilet (seat cover down) while my little ones take a bath. But I really wanted to reach out and connect. Since my kids seem to go into total panic mode every time I pick up the phone, I think this is the only option available to me.
So here's the latest in my life: Our house was almost sold and then the buyers pulled out and I'm devastated. I cannot comprehend how on earth I am going to keep up this single mother lifestyle. I have a great, I mean life-saving, neighbor, but she's my only friend for now. No community. I'm isolated, over-stretched, over-tired and just about ready to give up. But that seems so... So wrong. I haven't even started yet. All I've been doing here is surviving. Believe me, that is no small task! But I haven't yet begun to build my dream; a community of Torah observant Jews who love the land and want a better life for their children. I want to grow my own food and raise animals and teach my children how good it feels to work outside all day and go to bed exhausted. I want to make my own soap and sweaters and cheese and keep hives and make honey and beeswax candles and, and, and... Oh G-d there's so much more.
And yet I really don't see how I can keep going like this.
I've made a resolution. Everyday, for a minimum of fifteen minutes, I am going to talk to G-d, and listen. I want to let G-d know exactly how mad I am that things are not going according to my plan, and then listen for what G-d's plan may be for me. It's not easy. I'm a much better talker than listener.
But in the meantime, I wanted to share some things that I am learning. There are ways to make life just a little easier. And they are small, but important. Routine. I am soooo awful at following through with any routine I give myself, but when I do, my kids are happier and so am I. I've now started Make Your Own Pizza Night. And it's so much easier than it sounds. On Friday, when I make challah, I make extra dough and leave it in a large zip lock in the fridge. Monday afternoon I take out the dough, let it warm to room temperature and voila! They roll it out, put on jarred sauce and shredded cheese and I have three very happy, involved kids who can look forward to it every week!
Like I said. Little things.
1. Pizza Night
2. Thursday night is movie night
3. The Chanukah lights
4. My family who have shown me soooo much compassion. I love you guys