Monday, December 10, 2012

Pizza Night

Well, this won't be the most well written or best spelled blog I've ever written. I'm sitting on the toilet (seat cover down) while my little ones take a bath. But I really wanted to reach out and connect. Since my kids seem to go into total panic mode every time I pick up the phone, I think this is the only option available to me.
So here's the latest in my life: Our house was almost sold and then the buyers pulled out and I'm devastated. I cannot comprehend how on earth I am going to keep up this single mother lifestyle. I have a great, I mean life-saving, neighbor, but she's my only friend for now. No community. I'm isolated, over-stretched, over-tired and just about ready to give up. But that seems so... So wrong. I haven't even started yet. All I've been doing here is surviving. Believe me, that is no small task! But I haven't yet begun to build my dream; a community of Torah observant Jews who love the land and want a better life for their children. I want to grow my own food and raise animals and teach my children how good it feels to work outside all day and go to bed exhausted. I want to make my own soap and sweaters and cheese and keep hives and make honey and beeswax candles and, and, and... Oh G-d there's so much more.
And yet I really don't see how I can keep going like this.
I've made a resolution. Everyday, for a minimum of fifteen minutes, I am going to talk to G-d, and listen. I want to let G-d know exactly how mad I am that things are not going according to my plan, and then listen for what G-d's plan may be for me. It's not easy. I'm a much better talker than listener.
But in the meantime, I wanted to share some things that I am learning. There are ways to make life just a little easier. And they are small, but important. Routine. I am soooo awful at following through with any routine I give myself, but when I do, my kids are happier and so am I. I've now started Make Your Own Pizza Night. And it's so much easier than it sounds. On Friday, when I make challah, I make extra dough and leave it in a large zip lock in the fridge. Monday afternoon I take out the dough, let it warm to room temperature and voila! They roll it out, put on jarred sauce and shredded cheese and I have three very happy, involved kids who can look forward to it every week!
Like I said. Little things.

1. Pizza Night
2. Thursday night is movie night
3. The Chanukah lights
4. My family who have shown me soooo much compassion. I love you guys


  1. You make me cry, your compassion, your strength, you ability to make me laugh and cry at the same time! You are incredible girl and I cant wait to someday sit back down with you drink some wine and share!!! Hugs YOUR FREAKEN AWESOME!

  2. In the midst of your exhaustion, disappointment, frustration..., just the fact that you can remember in a corner of your mind, that Hashem has a plan for you is a great accomplishment.
    I bet that Hashem is excited that you will lend Him an ear. Happy listening.
    Loving you.
    (soap, sweaters, cheese, honey, candles...yikes. I think you were a pioneer in a past life. You are a 7!)

  3. Yeah for make your own pizza night!

  4. I love your dream Tovah! It's going to happen, you have done SO much already to make it come true!
    (For the record, making things are my forte so I wanna come help!!)

    1. Adriane, you are welcome here anytime! Help me make things!!!