I don't have words of comfort or faith. I have no explanations or ways to understand how something like this could happen. What I do have is this:
How many times do we tell our children they are spoiled. How lucky they are to have food, shelter, clothing. How lucky they are to live in a place with clean water, education and hospitals. We tell them this, believing it will somehow help them see beyond their wants and desires. But how often do we say it to ourselves? I'm saying it right now. Tovah, you've been spoiled. Never have I imagined having to say goodbye to my children. Never has anyone ever had to tell me their days are numbered. Or that when I shoved them off to school this morning, it would be the last time I saw them.
How many times have I complained about having to change another diaper? Cook another meal? Break up another quarrel? How many times I have moaned about picking up after them? How many times have I yelled at them to 'Just stay in bed already!'
But today I say that I would rather clean a thousand bums, listen to hundreds of quarrels, wash thousands of dishes and pick up endless toys and clothes, than EVER have to say goodbye. Today I am reminding myself that I am spoiled. And I am so thankful that I have been so spoiled my whole motherhood. Not everyone has been.
Today I will not take my children for granted. Today I will smother them with kisses and squeeze them with more hugs than they could possibly want. I will smile more and yell less. I am sorry it has taken such a tragedy for me to awaken to this. And if I have anything to offer the parents who suffered the unthinkable today, it is that I will try to honor them by not taking it for granted anymore.
My heart and prayers go out to all parents who have ever known the word 'goodbye.'
Today my GoodList is simple:
My beautiful Children
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