Wednesday, April 17, 2013

I'm Back!

I am sitting on my porch with bright green grass, heavenly sunshine and nature’s chatter all around me.  Life is moving, at such a fast  pace I can hardly keep up.  And yet, this moment… This moment is so perfect. 

I came home from a week long vacation in Boulder, CO Monday night.  It was a vacation from life as mama, wife and farmer.  It was a week to remember I am also Tovah.  I thought I would meditate, daven, go shopping, go hiking.  And I did.  A bit.  But mostly I found myself experiencing really beautiful heart connections with people I love so much, but rarely see.  And it occurs to me that that is a big part of knowing myself.  At my core I am me and also I am one connection in a vast network of human connection.  Sometimes it can feel so isolated out here, on Farm Shmarm.  It was amazing to experience how connected I really am. 

Being away from my children was its own experience.  I missed them like crazy.  I knew I would, but I couldn't predict exactly how it would feel.  I've never been apart from them.  The best way I could describe it was that it felt like a piece of me was missing.  When I would go inside to check in, my internal compass couldn't find North.  I didn't know how to orient myself, because I have spent the last seven years orbiting my children.  Without their center of gravity I was in kind of a free fall, and at the same time, I was kind of soaring.  

But now I'm back.  And things need to be done.  And not just dishes and laundry; I need to figure out what direction Matovu Farm is moving in.   We're talking poultry, honey, eggs, mushrooms, produce, orchards, goat dairy, lamb, wool and who knows what else!  Overwhelmed?  Me too.  Each endeavor takes labor, startup investment, maintenance, and a lot of research and planning.  Not to mention, we have to figure out exactly who and what our market will be.  Say it with me now:  Oy vey!

To try and get a handle on our finances we are looking at leasing rights to the natural gas under our land.  Now, my first instinct is to tell the gas companies to kiss my fat mama fanny!  But it turns out that whether or not we give permission, gas can be taken from under our land.  The question is, who takes it, and do we get a cut.  If we are involved in the process we have a lot more say in terms of picking a responsible company (yes, there actually are decent companies out there, you just have to do your research) and how it all goes down.  If we protest, not much will happen except the gas pockets 5000 feet down will be sucked dry and we won't even know.  The only other option is to get everyone in the county to protest and then maybe it can be avoided.  But it seems it's already too late for that.  The good news is that this isn't a Marcellus Shale region.  So the drilling is as aggressive, shallow or corrupted as in other parts of the country.  No decisions are being made, but we have A LOT of food for thought.

And all that is separate from trying to start the Farm Shmarm community that is so important to the success of this adventure.  As much as I am filled with love of farming and all things dirt, for myself and my children, we need community.  So I am trying to figure out the best way to advertise what we are doing out here. article, Facebook page, website... All these things need to be done.  And I am wondering where the heck I am going to find the time to do all this and not go crazy!  (Have you noticed my clean language?  I am doing a six month cleanse of my mouth.  All things going out need to be as kosher and organic as the things going in.  I can't say I've held perfectly to this new word diet, but I'm trying.)

And so with that, if any of you want to be a part of building up this beautiful little corner of the world, with time, labor, financing or anything else, let me know!  We may not know exactly what to do with help right now, but if we have a list of names, come potato digging day, we'll know who to call!

1. This amazingly beautiful day
2. My children's hearts
3. The fill of love I just received 
4. My CO family (blood and heart)
5. The geese fishing in my pond


  1. I can cry! You are an angel! Honestly Tovah...sometimes I talk to you in my head...its therapeutic and seemingly less insane then talking to myself. We def want to be involved but dont know how. I graduate Dec 20...iyh that is the date of freedom (at least it feels that way) and Ill have more of a grasp on what my life will be like! Keep us in mind in all your endeavors and holler out whenever you can and hopefully we can holler back! XOXO

  2. Overwhelming yes- and yet a beautiful array of potential wonderfulness just waiting to be uncovered- like the invisible gas underground. I volunteer hanging out with my 3 incredible grand kids. Would also love to have a week alone with shavti here in N.Y., if that would give you more space to get things done.
    Love you, support you, believe in you.

  3. I believe in you with all my heart.
    Rock on tiny stinky, rock on.