Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Give Me the Good!

Remember when, all smiles, I told you I was going to move out into the middle of nowhere and start a farm and won't it be awesome?  Fresh air, animals all around, green pastures...  Aaaahhhhhhhhh! What the hell was I thinking?!  This is crazy.  I don't know the first thing about starting, running, being a part of or organizing a business.  Ooh, they make it sound so simple, just assess your indirect costs, your direct costs, add them, divide by 12 months and that's what you need to make each month, so price your product accordingly.  So, ok, I can do that.  Until I realize that direct costs include equipment, bags, bag sealers, hoses, hose heaters, little stainless steel clasps, labels, safe handling labels, pluckers, GMO-free feed, tractor coops, brooders, heat sources, these odd little things called chicken nipples and a MILLION other things.  All that has to be priced.  And it's not just finding a price.  No, it's seeing if we want this plucker or that plucker or that fancy European plucker or that illegal immigrant plucker or just put my three kids to work and be done with it plucker.  (Just kidding about the immigrant thing.)  Do we want bags that vacuum seal?  Guess we need a vacuum sealer.

And then, as I'm am gathering rough numbers of interest levels in our community, someone says they are interested as long as the price is comparable to Costco.  SERIOUSLY?! Sure, I'll just cram 2000 birds, bred so badly they can't walk, into a closet, soak them in bleach and send them your way.

I guess you could say I'm feeling a little overwhelmed.  Our house in Pittsburgh finally sold.  We have a small profit, and we have to invest it into Matovu Farm very wisely.  Especially because there is the added pressure of the fact that every day that goes by, Micah is not working, and we are losing money. "Mama, can I have another bowl of cereal?" "No."

I knew we were taking a risk with this.  I knew we had no experience to rely on.  I knew it would be work.  I just didn't know my brain would hurt so badly at the end of the day.  Because now, not only do I have three children vying for my attention and filling my brain with endless facts (Mama, did you know sperm whales make a sound so loud it can blow down a house? Do you think it would blow down our house?  What about Nana's?  What else blows things down that you know of?  Do you think I could blow something down?), but I also have a husband constantly filling my head with even more facts (Tov, did you know we can make several centralized coops and use a petal method of movable run?  Or we can have tractor coops that 'park' near the house to plug in during the brooding weeks... Or we can make slim coops that run through the woods; the birds would love to forage in the leaves there).  Oy!  Everyone just shut up and let my brain be!  I need an episode of Glee or something else equally mindless to help erase some of the noise crowding out actual thoughts.

And is this what I put my mind to?  Or should I work on developing the Farm Shmarm community so we aren't here all alone?  And what is our Farm Shmarm mission statement?  Are we an ecovillage?  Are we just a rural place where Jews can live?  Are we an educational center?  Are we a private community whose focus is our children?

Oh and Pesach?  Not even a consideration.  There's too many other things going on.

That's what's happening here.  I guess I need my GoodList now more than ever!  Please add your Good to my list in the comments section.  I really need to fill head with positivity right now!

1.  The sun is out today
2.  Had new friends visit today
3.  Our cat came back after mysteriously disappearing for 5 days
4.  I woke up early and got a shower before the kids woke up
5.  My organic whole spelt kale onion garlic pepper anchovy cheese pizza
6.  My cuddly feverish baby (I like the extra cuddling, not the fever)
7.  My son's joke this morning "What does a panda say to surprise you? 'BamBoo!'"
8.  The playroom that was clean for 20 whole minutes
9.  Blueberry banana muffins
10. (Saved the best for last) My dear husband who devotes his whole self to our family and this farm


  1. My good list additions:
    The greatest grandchildren ever!!
    A daughter and son in law crazy and brave enough to follow their dream, and work hard to make it a reality.

  2. 1. My stinky crazy hysterical sister!
    2. Hi Shaya! Hi Shaya!
    3. Nana's visiting, so Noveya is in Nana heaven, and I'm sleeping until 11 and all my dishes are washed (by said Nana)! (Sorry to make you jealous with this one!)
    3. Zucchini-apple muffins in the oven
    4. My mother-in-law not coming for Pesach. Woot woot!

  3. 11. That my family doesn't leave me hanging with an unfilled request that people comment on this blog. Love you guys!